Hello,
Yesterday, Carol returned home (smiling all the way) to Bennington and spent the remainder of the day in the company of her family. Her bed was in the living room, the best spot in the house.  She "chatted much of the day on and off", enjoying her beautifully prepared home.  Thank you Paul for your meticulous attention to Carol's home. 

Later in the evening, Carol's breathing started to change and she was dozing more, becoming less responsive. Sue was aware of the change and sat by her side.  At  2 am this morning, Sue called hospice to check in and decided that it would be best call her family at the local hotel.  By 3:30 am, everyone had assembled and Carol was "clearly in transition." 

Sue said that she and her family took turns holding Carol's hand, speaking to her in soothing tones and sitting vigil.  By this time, Carol was not able to speak and appeared to be restless.  "Beth picked up a rattle and began to shake."  Immediately, "Carol relaxed, her shoulders went down, she became more animated, her eyebrows raised,  her eyes moved beneath her closed eyelids, and a smile came to her face."  The family took turns rattling through the morning hours and Carol remained relaxed.  Softly, the family read to Carol from the comments left on this website, letting Carol know how deeply and broadly she had touched the lives of others.  The family rattled and watched, as the intervals between Carol's inhalations became longer.  Then, "she just breathed out one more time and that was it...It was very peaceful."  

A little later in the morning, the hospice nurse was called and pronounced her.  Carol was washed, cleaned up, and cared for as "this was her style."  Then, Sue said, "we did the Irish wake thing, not raucous (like some Irish wakes can be) but we told stories."  Later, when the family was ready, Carol's body was taken to the funeral home.  Carol had requested that she be cremated. Her ashes will be buried in the family plot in her home town.

Before Carol died, she requested that her shamanic friends Deb and John, organize a ceremony for her.  There will be two shamanic ceremonies for Carol, the first of which will occur this Sunday, October 27th, 10 am, at her home in Bennington (71 Everett Road, Bennington Vermont).  This will be a simple ceremony, with drumming to support Carol on her journey.  It will be held in her yard, so please bring appropriate outerwear and, if you have them, your drums and rattles.  Following this ceremony, there will be a potluck.  Please bring food to share and serving utensils.  Tea and cider will be provided.  Also, if you have any photographs of Carol, please bring these as well.  As you know, Carol lost all of her photographs in her house fire, and it would be lovely for her family to have photographs of Carol. If you don't have time to make a copy for Carol's family, bring them anyway and you can send a copy later.  A more formal ritual/ceremony will be organized in a month or so.

If anyone has questions regarding the circle, please feel free to contact John Hearst at:[email protected] or Debbie Klein at: [email protected].

There will also be a Catholic mass to honor Carol.  As soon as plans are finalized, I will add a post to this website.  The service will probably be held in Prattsburg.  Details will be announced. 

If you would like to make a donation, please contribute in Carols' name to one of the two following organizations.  Carol believed strongly in the benefits provided by both of the following organizations:

Second Chance Animal Center
6779 Rt. 7A
Shaftsbury, VT 05262
802-375-0249
www.2ndchanceanimalcenter.org/‎

or

Project Against Violent Encounters (PAVE)
471 Main Street
Bennington, VT
pavebennington.org/‎

This website will be maintained for an indefinite period of time.  I will add another blog page, so that you can express your condolences to the family or share stores of Carol.  You can also post questions.  I will answer them if I can or refer them to the family.

Some years ago, I was honored to work with a Native American gentleman who was preparing for his death.  He gave me the following traditional Navajo prayer to read at his memorial service. For some reason I think of it now and offer it to Carol.

In Beauty May I Walk

In beauty may I walk;
All day long may I walk;
Through the returning seasons may I walk.

Beautifully will I possess again
Beautifully birds
Beautifully butterflies…

On the trail marked with pollen may I walk;
With grasshoppers about my feet may I walk;
With dew around my feet may I walk.

With beauty before me may I walk
With beauty behind me may I walk
With beauty above me may I walk
With beauty all around me,
may I walk.

It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.
It is finished in beauty.

To our beautiful Carol..may you walk in beauty. 

with appreciation,

Barbara

Hello

Carol left Dartmouth-Hitchcock at 12:15 today and arrived home at 2:30 pm.  Sue said,  "She smiled all the way home."  Once settled into her home, "Carol held court from her bed."  I could hear the satisfaction in Sue's voice and appreciate her image.  Currently, Carol and Sue are meeting with the hospice nurse about Carol's medications.  Carol is in good pain and symptom control. 

Carol has requested that there be "no visitors"  the remainder of today and tomorrow, as family are still visiting.  "A special aunt" is arriving tomorrow, and Carol wants to reserve the day to be with her.

For those of you who have not seen Carol's lovely new home, it has the feel of a sanctuary.  The "cottage" has wooden floors throughout and beautiful light flowing into the living spaces from all directions, including the sky above as there is a skylight in the cathedral ceiling.  A wood stove is available for supplemental heat and atmosphere, and there is room for Carol's caregivers Sue and Beth.  The grounds surrounding Carol's home are park-like, with gorgeous old trees and the mountains rising up behind the house to the west.  While situated in the city, around the corner from the hospital,  the house feels like an enchanted cottage in the woods.  Bast has room to roam, and was seen crossing the front porch earlier this afternoon.  Bast hasn't visited Carol yet, but will probably do so once the commotion has subsided.

Thanks to everyone who visualized Carol's journey home to Bennington.  She and her family are very happy to be there now.  Sue printed out 90+ messages from you and will continue to convey your well wishes to Carol. 

I will speak with Sue later tonight and again tomorrow so that I can keep you posted.  I will let you know as soon as I do when Carol is receiving visitors.  Thank you for your understanding. 

In the meantime, please keep sending Carol your love and appreciation.  I will let you know if she has any special requests.

Giving thanks,

Barbara

Hello

Carol's discharge home was postponed.  The Dartmouth-Hitchcock palliative care team wants to make sure that her picc line and medication regimen are well established before sending her home.  The tentative plan is for Carol to be discharged tomorrow. 

Family are still arriving from out of town.  Carol rested this afternoon after a foot massage and is planning to meet with newly arrived members of her family later this evening.  She is alert and comfortable. I could hear laughter in the background while I was on the phone with Sue. 

Carol will be transported via ambulance and have quite a procession following her when she goes home.  Her parents are planning to stay in the Bennington area along with other family members.  Sue and Beth will be Carol's primary caregivers and stay at the house with Carol.   

The house has been well prepared and, according to Anastasia, looks beautiful. 

Carol's niece, Sarah, will print out copies of your weebly messages so that they can be read. There are now 84 posts.  I will forward future posts to Sarah, who will be "managing the technology" from now on.   Carol is not accepting phone calls or texts on her phone as it is too much to manage.  

Please continue posting and, above all, send Carol wishes for a safe and successful trip home tomorrow!  Sue will call me tomorrow with an update.  

Warm regards,

Barbara

Hello

I spoke with Sue at 11 am Wednesday morning. Here is a synopsis of our conversation:

Plans are being made to transport Carol to her home in Bennington, at Carol's request.  The house is set up and ready to receive her.  She is tentatively scheduled to be discharged this afternoon.  Carol is having a picc line inserted to make administration of her medications easier.  She is on nasal oxygen and her kidneys are failing.   Carol is in good pain control and is alert.  Her sense of humor is intact, as well as her ability to communicate her preferences.

Most of Carol's family are returning home today.  Her sisters Sue and Beth will accompany Carol to Bennington and serve as her primary caregivers with the help of Bennington Hospice.  Carol's mother may stay in Bennington or may go home to be with Carol's father, who is returning to their home in the Finger Lake region.

Carol is requesting that her friends refrain from calling her, as she does not have the energy to respond to phone calls.  Once she is settled in her home, she will let us know (via Sue, via this weebly) when and whether or not she wants to receive visitors.  Sue said that "visiting Carol for a few minutes to squeeze her hand and sit with her would be fine" during certain times of the day (to be determined based on how she is doing once she's settled in). 

Carol is aware of the healing energy being sent her way as well as the beautiful messages of support and gratitude being conveyed through the weebly.  Sue has printed out copies of your messages and is reading them to Carol, with the understanding that all Carol needs to do is to receive the love and appreciation that is being sent her way.  It is important for Carol to receive now and to let go of feeling that she needs to respond or reply in any way. 

I will let you know as soon as I do when Carol is ready to receive visitors.  Until then, please continue to send her your loving energy and appreciation.  Know that it is reaching Carol.

Warmly,

Barbara

Deb and I drove to Dartmouth this morning. We found Carol in a comfortable private room with her sister, Sue.
Carol is peaceful, alert and aware (her pain meds are being managed and fine tuned).
Sue allowed us quiet time with Carol.  We did some energy work, during which Janet (Mom) came in, participating by rattling and holding sacred space with us.
Much of our time together was in silence, as that is where healing happens.

Carol journeyed into healing, clearly tapping into her guides and sacred wisdom.  She is at peace and looking very beautiful.

This blog is a wonderful vehicle for people to express their thoughts to Carol. She is appreciative, if not a bit overwhelmed by the influx of energies
that are surrounding her now.  I reassured her that she did not have to respond to each message....just receive.

Her family is gathering around her as families do - they too are taking comfort from the blog messages.

We are so thankful to have had this visit, and wish to honour Carol and her family at this time.

with so much love (as Carol has taught us!) -   Deb Klein and Anastasia Nute

Hello,

Carol had a difficult day today.  She did not see the palliative care physician until mid afternoon, and by that time she was pretty uncomfortable.  Her pain is being better addressed at this point, however, and her palliative care physician will re-evaluate her later tonight or tomorrow morning. Carol will not be leaving the hospital until her pain is well managed.  Carol and her physician are in agreement on this.

In the meantime, the social worker is coordinating arrangements for Carol to be transferred home with hospice home care followup in Bennington.  Plans are being made to deliver necessary equipment such as a hospital bed, and Sue is inquiring about the types of support services available through hospice.  

Carol is generally alert, though she fatigues easily and sleeps on and off during the day.  Sue says that when Carol wakes up, she is "refreshed."  Visitation is very limited at this time and Carol is communicating clearly about her need for a calm and restful environment.  On a somewhat humorous note, Carol summarily dismissed everyone from her room today with the exception of her physician. Her nurse eventually convinced her that it might be in Carol's best interest to have her present for a discussion on symptom management. Carol agreed and allowed the nurse to stay. Not so for the rest of the retinue, however.

Carol is having more symptoms, which suggests continued tumor growth and disease progression.  The top priority right now is to get her into good pain control and symptom management.   If all goes well, discharge will be in the very near future. There are still details to arrange, and Sue is doing a terrific job of managing all of this. 

Additional members of Carol's family are arriving tomorrow.  They will be staying nearby and understand that Carol can only manage short visits interspersed with periods of rest. 

Carol is scheduled to receive her friends Stacie and Deb tomorrow for a short visit in the morning.  I hope that they will post an update on their visit to this website.

The hospital environment sounds pretty busy, between hospital personnel of all varieties coming in and out of her room, and more family coming to see Carol tomorrow.  Again, the top priorities are to get Carol into good pain control, evaluate the potential for her to return home in the near future, and make all of the necessary arrangements for this to happen. 

Please continue to hold Carol in your heart and mind, and send her healing energy.  She expresses appreciation for the shamanic work and prayer circles being held on her behalf.  If all goes well, she'll be home soon, and be able to see people for very short visits. 

I'll keep you posted to the best of my ability.  My thanks to Sue for her generosity in speaking with me and for the wonderful care she is giving Carol.  She is a fierce advocate for her sister.

Warm regards,

Barbara

Hello friends,

I spoke at length with Sue, Carol's older sister and primary caregiver. Carol told me that she is very grateful for Sue's presence.  Carol was scheduled to speak with Hospice of Bennington tomorrow morning, but required an emergency admission to the hospital over the weekend for symptom management. Currently, she is in Dartmouth-Hitchcock Hospital (DHH), awaiting a consultation with the palliative care team, which was postponed until tomorrow morning.  .

Carol is resting comfortably with her mother and sister by her side.  Carol has signed a DNR (do not resuscitate order) and has, according to her sister, "accepted her circumstances, though she is understandably disappointed."
Sue said "Carol is not afraid of dying, she is just afraid of being in pain" as part of the dying process.  Carol is not eating and is drinking very little, though she is better hydrated now. Her tumors are growing rapidly, and she is no longer a candidate for chemotherapy or surgery.  She will be treated aggressively with palliative care for pain and symptom management.  Dartmouth Hitchcock is well known for having a top notch palliative care team, so she is in good hands. Carol told Sue that she is glad to be in the hospital at this point in time, and that she "feels safe."

Carol would like to go home if possible.  This will be discussed tomorrow at the meeting with her primary care physician and the palliative care team.  In the meantime, Carol and Sue have been making preparations for her sooner than expected departure from this life. While alert at present, Sue does not anticipate that Carol will be able to engage in further preparatory dialogue for much longer.  One of Carol's concerns is her beloved cat Bast.  It would be an enormous relief for Carol to know that Bast will be well cared when she's gone.  If you are able to give Bast a new home or know of someone who is able to do so, please let us know as soon as possible.  This would be a relief for Carol and a gift. 

Carol is aware of her friend's presence in her life and sends her love and appreciation to everyone who is accompanying her on this journey. She is open to and appreciative of any healing ceremonies conducted on her behalf. Carol wants everyone to know that however much she would like to speak with each person individually, she is not able to do so at this point.  If circumstances change, and she is able to have visitors, she will let us know through Sue. 

Sue is Carol's champion now and is doing a wonderful job of advocating and caring for Carol.  Please include Sue in your prayers and meditations.  

It is unclear if Carol will be able to return home.  I will let you know this decision as soon as I do. 

In the meantime, please continue to send your love and prayers for Carol. May she be at ease, may she feel safe, and may she feel at peace.  

One of Carol's many friends, 
Barbara

I am writing this post on behalf of Carol until she is able to post her own update.  I received an e-mail from Carol at 4pm today (Sunday October 20th).  She is at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Hospital and is receiving a palliative care consultation as I write.  Carol is with members of her family.  That is all that I know at present.

Dartmouth-Hitchcock has a wonderful palliative care program and one of the best palliative care physicians in the world, Dr. Ira Byock.  I hope that he is with Carol now. 

Please send Carol lots of love and healing energy.  Carol has given so much to so many over the years.  Now it is her turn to receive.  Let’s shower her with love and ask that her guides surround her as well.

In an effort to give Carol the space and time she needs right now to be present to herself and to make important decisions, please post your well wishes on this site rather than calling her by phone. 

I will post any news that I hear.  If you receive some news, I hope that you will do the same.  Using this network will spare Carol duplicative updates and help her to conserve energy.  

One of her many friends,

Barbara